Where Do You Find Your Identity?

When my husband, Bryan, and I would share about our ministry, the most frequently asked question directed to me was, “What are you going to do over there?” Of course, as part of an aviation organization, my husband Bryan’s job was obvious: pilot/mechanic.

My answer, however, was less certain. Initially, I thought I’d be using my skills in physical therapy, but after an injury, I could no longer perform those duties. And being unable to do the work I loved, I floundered. I doubted my usefulness and questioned my identity.

Staying with the Baggage

One Sunday, during a presentation, I shared about the many ministry options revealed during my visit to Africa and that I just didn’t know what God had in store. I tried to stay poised, optimistic, and confident, but my insecurities betrayed me. When we finished our presentation, tears began to well in my eyes. I quickly excused myself to regain my composure. People asked me that question so often I felt I needed to have an answer.

When I returned to the church auditorium, Bryan spoke with a slightly older woman, who had asked if she could talk with both of us. She invited us both to sit as she shared a new interpretation of a story from 1 Samuel 30. I invite you to find this story in your Bible, but I will paraphrase it here:

David and his men had come to Ziklag. They discovered that the Amalekites had made a raid against the Negev and against Ziklag and had taken captive wives, sons, and daughters. David’s two wives were among those captured. David was distressed; the people wanted to stone him! But he strengthened himself in the Lord and then inquired of the Lord if he should go after the band that had raided. The Lord told him to pursue, and he would overcome.

So David set out with six hundred men. They reached a brook, and two hundred men were too exhausted to cross, so they stayed behind, and David pursued with four hundred men. They came upon the Amalekites, and David struck them down, recovering what had been taken. They rescued all who were taken captive and all the flocks and herds.

When David returned to the two hundred men who had stayed behind, he greeted them. Some men did not want to share the spoils with those who had stayed behind. David told them, “You shall not do so, my brothers, with what the Lord has given us. He has preserved us and given into our hand the band that came against us. Who will listen to you in this matter? For as his share is who goes down into the battle, so shall his share be who stays by the baggage. They shall share alike” (vv. 23–24). And he made it a rule for Israel from that day forward.

(1 Samuel 30:1–25, my paraphrase)

With our hands still folded together, my gaze remained fixed on hers as she shared. She did not focus on the God-ordained victory of King David but on those who had stayed by the brook. 

David declared those who remained with the baggage would receive an equal share in the spoils. Though they had stayed behind, their role for that battle was not a lesser one and did not make them any less a part of David’s army.

No Role Is Inferior

My tears splashed down on our still-joined hands. God had clearly sent this woman with a message aimed directly at my heart. 

And maybe it’s a message for your heart too. Perhaps you’re struggling to see the significance of being just a wife or just a mom, even though, like me, this might be the desire of your heart. 

In attempting to find my identity in my work, I dismissed the role of a wife and mom as somehow lesser. I wanted to be a wife and a mom. I even dreamed of staying at home. Despite that, I still believed that to be considered “in ministry,” I must have a role outside the home. I was focused on what job I could do for God using my gifts and talents. I was more concerned with “the glory that comes from man than the glory that comes from God” (John 12:43).

I was learning that my identity had to be rooted in the identity God gave me, no matter what role I ended up filling. Our roles change throughout our lives. As we focus on God, we’ll know who He created us to be, and we’ll find joy and purpose in embracing that identity alone.

Let’s pray:

Father God, I confess I have sought my identity in worldly things. I pray you would help me see who you have created me to be. Help me tear down my idols and prioritize the things in my life, keeping You at the center. Help me focus on You and see that my identity is found in You. In Jesus’s name, I pray, amen.

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Today’s blog post is adapted from my book Living Uprooted: Encouragement for the Missionary Wife.

Pre-order is available now at Redemption Press official release date is February 22, 2022