Has someone ever disappointed you, but you can’t pinpoint why? Perhaps, it’s not what they did, but what they didn’t do.
Disappointment is usually not because of anything, in particular, someone did. Disappointment is typically a result of unmet expectations.
Raising ministry support often includes a lot of travel. About a month after completing training with our organization, we began a four-week road trip down the West Coast to speak at a few churches and meet with supporters. This trip would include staying with family, friends, and even people we hadn’t met and was sure to keep us on our toes and out of our comfort zone.
On our first stop, we stayed with Bryan’s family for a week. We visited with his family over breakfast and in the afternoons when we finished with our workday. During the day, we would take our computers to a coffee shop in town, which would allow us to work uninterrupted and was convenient for short coffee visits with friends. We also had several dinner engagements scheduled throughout the week.
Communicating expectations is important when asking something of others.
A few days into our visit, we noticed some tension in the house. When we asked about it, we discovered they were expecting us to have dinner with them each evening. We thought they understood we were working and not just there for a visit. After we discussed the issue, we rescheduled some of our dinner engagements and planned to have dinner with them for the next two nights. That seemed to smooth things out. As we pondered the situation, we realized it was not so much about visiting with them but a matter of their unmet expectations.
Perhaps if we had given our family a plan, they would have offered more grace for not joining them for dinner. Sharing our schedule could have helped clarify our appointments and obligations, so they knew what they could expect and when.
So, what’s the takeaway?
When calling upon others for hospitality, it is essential to ask what they expect during your time with them and to communicate what you expect of them. Would they like to be together for dinner every night? How much time would they like to spend with you? Do you need to schedule that or come to an agreement? How much time do you want with them? Will you need more time outside their home?
Take a moment to think about who you may stay with or near when you travel. Will they want to spend time with you or you with them? It is also wise to build in margin for unexpected changes or demands for our time.
I invite you to pray with me.
Father God, I pray you would lead and guide us in asking what others expect of us, and help us be clear of what we expect of others. Help us avoid unnecessary conflict and live in harmony with our loved ones, friends, and supporters who offer hospitality during this support-raising time. In Jesus’s name, amen.
Today’s blog post is the first installment of a three-part series called Great Expectations. Come back next month to read about Identifying Our Own Expectations.
I adapted this series from my book Living Uprooted: Encouragement for the Missionary Wife.
You can find the ebook online at the Redemption Press bookstore, Amazon, and Barnes & Noble. The print book will be available by June 2022.
If you would like to hear a little more about the heart behind Living Uprooted, head on over to my Interviews tab on my website and select the interview you’d like to listen to.
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